Stop worrying. I'm smiling ... aren't I? [entries|friends|calendar] Lillian [ website | madly in love with you ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[19 Apr 2005|11:10pm] [ mood | ... stupid stupid stupid ] [ music | Untitled-Simple Plan ] post a secret about yourself anonymously. something from the deepest corners of your heart ... something that youve been wanting to tell but w/out the courage to. i wont guess who you are or try to judge you ... after youve posted it pass this message on your livejournal. ----- omfg im going to cry ... seriously. today i got in soooo much trouble ... ionno its not actually my fault. more like associating with people who got in trouble which got me</b> in trouble. right so jessica and osose asked me to do their homework ... well more like print out terms for them and obviously i said yesssss. and then my teacher found out and now im getting cheating</b> demerits. omfg why?!? i mean now i have to tell my mother and i cantt because for ONCE in this fucking three weeks we're friendly. last last week we yelled at each other until we were hoarse, last week she didnt talk to me for three two days, and this week ... perfection until tomorrow when i break the neww. oh goddd whyyyyy????? and i dont even get to see simple plan =[ stupid WANGO TANGO solded out and no green day either =[ ... and i thought march was a bad month ... on a different mellower/notsomellower note ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!!!!!!</b> ... nothing else to say. js that i'll prolly be banned from here for a while so leave a comment =[ act like you care <3

[09 Apr 2005|11:44pm] [ mood | fattish =[ ] [ music | Alkaline Trio-Time to Waste ] My lj wedding by chynafox username age city you will marry pokemonsux22 flower girl thehurtyousold best man chocolate_lvr bridesmaid hyper_desichica you will have your last fling with ______woah registrar xblow_makeawish secretly wants to marry you themself iamhardtoget33 date of the wedding June 11, 2016 number of times you do it on your wedding night 24 Quiz created with MemeGen!   i wish that i could be comfortable in my own skin. i wish that my parents would make up her mind about my _ _ _ _ _ _ _ because theyre confusing me and hurting me even though i know its the truth. 1 act like you care <3

[29 Mar 2005|09:45pm] [ mood | making myself EMO! ] [ music | Damien Rice-The Blowers Daughter ] UPDATE TIME! come around lil children and listen to my story. haha no story ... js that spring break is OVER! dammmmmmmmm i miss it already. lol.  so i spent the las day before the las day of spring break at the mallll! but NO ONE could come so it was js me and the two people who love each other but WONT ADMIT IT yepyep kimberly and arshya. i spent four hours listening to them flirt and i couldnt even DITCH them cuz there was no one to ditch with >= | . we watched MISS CONGENIALITY 2 which was fantabulous but not as GRREEEAAT as the first one! and then we went to rochellys house and js hung around. you know like oh no! last day before last day of spring break (homework day). haha yepyep. gotta admit i had funnnn even though i felt thirdwheelish. and HMPH to all of you that i ASKED but wouldnt come! ... DAAAMMMM i sound so UNEMO! its absolutely positively sickening. im too happy now. something biggg is gonna happen and i wont like it. lol oh yeahhh. ANDY CALLED yupyup. a tootal random call. scared the shittt out of me. but i think arshya scared the shit out of andy cuz he took over my phone. it was kinda funny. he was like why you calling lillian? do you wanna get back together (he got hitted for that one)? and then he started flirting with him (dammm lol no  wonder i have these weird feelings for *him* haha hesss so cool) and then he HUNG UP ON HIM. so i think andy is scared away foreverzzz now. >.< oopsies. actually not js andy ... i think all my friends who are scared of arshya and kimberly .. maybee cept crystal cuz shes COOL LIKE THAT lol.  right so thats my very happy *shudder and wince* updation. imma go before all this happiness makes me puke love you! <3 lillian. COMMENT `YO! 1 act like you care <3

[23 Mar 2005|11:27pm] [ mood | bored as hell! lol >. ] [ music | Z Trip-Walking Dead < i love it! ] heyy! its been a while hasnt it? lol ... so yeahhh i had a hard time deciding whether to go to xanga nad whine or go the lj and whine.  lj won (: ... lol and im too tired to write (swam haha) so no point in doing this lol. ( Ten Things That I Have Done That You Probably Havent ) and that is all. lol i'll write more if i wanna later. byee <3   3 act like you care <3

[09 Mar 2005|10:28pm] [ mood | EWWWWW!!!! lol ] [ music | Over-Lindsay Lohan ] LJ Friends Meme by coolerq • You must tell 5 people about this game. • arshya is the one that you love. • andy is one you like but can't work out. • You care most about crystal. <and more ppl like AMANDA ! and SUZANNE! • anna is the one who knows you very well. • jessica is your lucky star. • welcome to my life is the song that matches with arshya. <ewwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! • over is the song for andy. • boulevard of broken dreams is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. • and epiphany is the song telling you how you feel about life Take this quiz OKAY UM ... THIS IS NOT COMPLETEY TRUE BECAUSE I DO NOT LOVE ARSHYA UM ... EEEEWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ONCE UPON A TIME MAYBE BUT STILL ... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! *SHUDDER* HAHA OKAY BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IS TRUE ... 1 act like you care <3

[07 Mar 2005|11:11pm] [ mood | confused at everything ] [ music | Epiphany-Staind ] surprise! im sick again! lol ... haha maybe its cuz i dont (as lessica said) poop as much .. because (as lessica said) it compromises my immune system. HAHAHAHA! lol ... so how are you? im fine .. really i am ... really ... lol i did *it*.  i BROKE UP with andy. but i dont think he got it because you know .. hes still calling me and acting like nothing happened.  but jimberly asked him how long weve been together and he was all like i have to g ostudy for a test now. hmmmmm ... but you know .. im not doint it again.  im only going to break up with him once .. and if he doesnt get it its his problem.  im going to move on to the next stage: getting over him.  which prolly wont be THAT hard cuz i hardly even know him .. but i did like him a lot.  so if you see me crying and holding a big bar of chocolate ... ITS NOT MY FAULT! lol *sigh* life is so ... WEIRD.  i mean now my MOM is lessening up on the whole yelling thing but now my DAD the nice guy is starting to yell at me. for EVERYTHING! for going to sleep to late (which is understandable) for not winning piano (wtf?) my hair (um ... WHAT?) and the lenghtiness of my pants (pshawh) lol. but i hates it ... tis soooo annoying and theres the whole haha your fat thing. i dont get it .. arent parents suppose to build ur self esteem? i mean i know im fat but my parents dont have to tell me that every single fucking day. w.e anyways ... west coast was fun .. i won 1st 2nd and 3rd. how cool lol. click for piccies!!! < um .. west coast and winter camp photos are there ... have fun! lol love you guys <3 1 act like you care <3

[01 Mar 2005|11:18pm] [ mood | mad at life ... ] [ music | Broken Vow-Josh Groban ] okay .. imma do it. break up with him .. but im soooo chicken.  ive had the chance THREE times and i keep on chickening out ): *tear tear*. once this is over im becoming octasexual ... wait no heptasexual the hexa group can go to hell for all i care! or mabye i shud join a nunnery hmmmmm ... comment me! give me encouragement! tell me what an idiot ive been .. how stupid ive been .. blah blah blah.  ( rest of my day ) byee gotta go look up nunnery sites now. 4 act like you care <3

[27 Feb 2005|08:36pm] [ mood | confuzzled ] [ music | Chocolate-Snow Patrol ] *sigh* i DONT want to call andy my bf because well you know ... OBVIOUS REASONS so why am i calling him my bf? am i that desparate? and do i even LOVE him?  im js .. thinking alot now you know.  hes WONDERFUL and one of the SWEETEST PERSONS ive ever metted but ... i mean really ... internet love?  i dont think so ... and yeahh im not that much of a FOOL.  so here i am one month and so later wondering what the hell was i thinking? i like andy ... but still WHAT THE HELL WAS .. AM I THINKING? wat the hell is wrong with me? ... yeahh ... okay so maybe im thinking 'oh okay theres this guy who says he loves me and i mean no real person in their right mind wud ever say that to ugly ole me so i'll js go and be his gf becuz i love him too right? .. right' hahaha ... w/e im so ... uggh .. i dont even know how to describe what im feeling right now.  im not going to lie .. i really do like andy ... but i js ... *sigh* i need help. HELP?!??????? 1 act like you care <3

[16 Feb 2005|11:06pm] [ mood | GONNA KILL YOU! haha jkjk ] [ music | Jesus of Surburbia-Green Day ] heyy! havent been here in a loooong while lol.  nothing really interesting to talk about ... life is all boring except for andy! i love him ... hate everyone else but love him. haha jkjk i love everyone! not so sure about the third guy in teh red suit but isnt BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG and that blonde guy (mike dirnt?) the hottest ... js HOT?!?? yes lol .. the answer is YES .. haha im sorry im js majorly obsessed with green day right now *sigh* OMFG! GOOGLE ISNT CHILD SAFE! i mean i typed in daniel radcliffe images right? DANIEL RADCLIFFE with both letters ... not one of those one letter woman porn names .. no a real live name and they showed a picture of him <s>NAKED</S> shirtless and a part of his legs ... js so you get the POINT! omg omg omg my EYES! *pause* and since when did underage boys pose naked for photos?!? i seriously hope its a manipulation ... either that or britain has some messed up laws. ( (winter camp photos!) ) gotta go! love you all lots <3     1 act like you care <3

JOCKED FROM SUZANNE! WHO JOCKED FROM DANIELLE AND HALEY ... ITS JS A HUGE JOCKING CYCLE LOL [02 Feb 2005|08:09pm] [ mood | stupid strep throat *kicks it* ] [ music | Since You've Been Gone-Kelly Clarkson ] +Reply with your name and I will write something about you. +I will then tell you what song/BAND reminds me of you. +Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise. +Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you. and im out! <3! okay maybe not ... winter camp .. lol ( winter camp! ) 12 act like you care <3

[26 Jan 2005|10:36pm] [ mood | FINALS ALMOST OVER! ] [ music | Existentialism On Prom Night-Straylight Run ] hey! ONE MORE DAY OF FINALS ... ONE MORE DAY TIL WINTER CAMP *dances around the room like crazy*. lol thats all ... js wanted to share my undying happiness ... okay im done with the happiness now ... gonna go back to studying my ass off .. english is HARD! byeee <3 ps: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDA! (hehe i know i know same thing on my xanga ... but i must spread the word around) .. early lol.  i cant believe ur 14 already! we're getting so old ... it feels like js yesterday that we firs met! damm we were what? ... 10? ... its been four years already ...! woohoo!!!! lol.  me misses you! ... i wonder what ur mom wud say if i kidnapped - amandanapped you ... lol. keep you at my house for a whole day as a hostage! ... lol ... O.O im so weird. hahh so anyways, happy 14th!  love you <3 me! 1 act like you care <3

[24 Jan 2005|09:46pm] [ mood | eeeeee ..! FINALS! ] [ music | The Widow-The Mars Volta ] *sigh*-ish ... im so tired. finals are killer ... like deadly lethal little things that come and kill you js for the fun of it. hmmm sounds like reality lol.  and finals has to be right before winter camp! ugggh! its so not fair .. we have to live through 3 more days!!!! three more days of pure pure PURE torture ... blah ... wow i really really really want to go to el camino.  EVERYONE is like going there .. ppl from nobel AND faith. it wud be so fun .. but noooooooo i have to go to oak park *sigh*.  maybe i can convince her that oak park is horrible and that el camino is wonderful.  but still .. i wudnt be in the magnet program anymore. dammit! lol.  we shud have js never moved from nobel.  then everything wud be simpler and less complicated.  and i wudnt became a crying mass of nothing over a bunch of pictures and stuff. eeeeee. gotta go and study for finals *cough cough torture cough cough* now.  byeeeee <3 2 act like you care <3

[23 Jan 2005|07:11pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Boulevard of Broken Dreams-Green Day ] i wish  that i was more badass.  i wish that i wasnt such a coward.  i wish i had the guts to stand up to *her*.  i wish i was brave enough to do what i really want to do.  i wish i dont live here.  i wish she wasnt my mother.  i wish i was never born.  i wish taht whoever is playing with my FUCKING LIFE WOULD JUST FUCKING STOP! i wish i knew what i did to deserve this hell.  i wish taht everyting would just be over.  i wish that i could just start over. what the hell did i do to deserve this?  who did i piss off in my former life?  why can i just ... why cant i just be normal?  why .. why cant they just stop messing with me?  havent they had enough?  what do they want? for me to fiannly break? for me to cry so hard that i cant cry anymore?  do they want me to die?  jump off a cliff?  what do they want from me? TELL ME .. WHAT THE HELL DO THEY WANT FROM ME? why cant they just fucking stop it??? havent they had enough!?!??? it sure feels like they fucking had enough! because i cant take it anymore ... i cant live through another day of this crap ... is it so hard to just disssapear.?  dig a hole and crawl into it.  w/e lol i came back to change running into run ... only the words that came out of my typing was boulevard blah blah blah. so yeah 4 act like you care <3

[17 Jan 2005|07:14pm] [ mood | numb ] [ music | Def Tones-Minerva ] blah ... so lots of things have been happening. i mean him and i talked for like 41832974189274 hours on the phone.  lol the bes time for us is late late LATE at night or early early EARLY in the morning ... hahhhh our ... i mean my schedule js sucks. *sigh* i dont wanna jinx anything but im happy .. and hes js so unbelievably sweet ... okay so something starts going good in my life right ..? the next thing i know, another part of my life is going blah.  i mean .. my mom and i are js ... our relationship is weird.  we're like fighting one minute and bes frends the next.  shes js getting mad at me more ... and for things that arent really huge in normal definition.  i mean i got a 93 in english and she blows her top off telling me ive basically failed ... *sigh* its js so hard you know trying to meet up to her standards.  its so hard u know to be happy when im not .. and usually thats it.  i go around laughing and saying im happy when im not ... i mean ... i dont even think about it anymore ... it js happens.  when ppl ask watsup i answer w/ a nm nm u? without even a thought about it ... *pause* wow lol i totally went off topic .. hahh anywayzs story of my life. ps: i love him so much .. he makes me happy .. like real happy. lalallaa. .. dont wanna burst ur pretty lil heads with all my crap so i'll go now.  byeee <3 2 act like you care <3

[08 Jan 2005|10:40pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Run-Snow Patrol ] hello. BORED! lol ... *sigh* nothing in my life can go right ... and even wen its unbeliveable right its still so wrong ... dammm so my happiniess of the previous days have kinda faded.  ionno i guess its js ... blah.  *tear* how come nothing can go right??? i miss him so fucking much! and i havent even like seen him yet ... js phone and i still miss him so much ... so fucking much ... so fucking much.  god im so pathetic.  i feel like ive jinxed everything .. i prolly have.  he prolly now hates me so much ... omgsh he prolly thinks im avoiding him or that im js ... weird.  i miss him ... wen did i get this pathetic? *pause* .. this was suppose to be a happy entry. dam i cant even be happy wen im suppose to be.  anyways, stuff has been happening.  IM me if you wanna know whatz been happening. love you lots <3 ps: charity is good.  pray for tsunami victims. act like you care <3

nothing new ... [26 Dec 2004|11:49pm] lol ... no new journal ... lol that was js me being dramatic. -- Lillian wrote: WTF? I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU ... OR UR LJ USERNAME ... OR UR LJ PASSWORD! TELL ME HOW ITS POSSIBLE I MADE UP STUFF ABOUT U! PUNCHDRUNK3000 <punchdrunk3000@yahoo.com> wrote: no.... you made stuff up ABOUT ME!! --- Lillian <sweetnlilly@yahoo.com>wrote: > you ... you ... YOU ... YOU USED MY PASSWORD AND > MADE UP STUFF ABOUT ME! > > PUNCHDRUNK3000 <punchdrunk3000@yahoo.com> > wrote:what?!! > --- Lillian wrote: > > > GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POST THE RESULTS OF > UR > > PREGNANCY TEST ON UR OWN FUCKING JOURNAL!   ^ yeahh ... so thats my confrontation wit the person who hacked into my accoutn ... insteresint huh? *pause* how do you get rid of the blue line? < see blue line       GASP ITS FOLLOWING MEE!!!! AWWW!!! .... gonna go now!   love y'all *mwah* act like you care <3

[24 Dec 2004|12:23pm] [ mood | pissed off ] how do u delete a livejournal? nvm imma making a new lj. IM me if u want it ... this one can go to whoever stole it ... 7 act like you care <3

[26 Nov 2004|09:26pm] [ mood | F.I.N.E. ] [ music | Torn-Natalie Imbruglia ] blah ... blah ... and more BLAH! ( i'm thankful for ... ) ( i saw this christmas wishlist on lj ... ) ( my wishlist ) ( one last thought ... ) oh yeah ... can you guys post a comment about your favorite memory of me .. or js any memory of me that stands out? or that you remember?  i js want to see how ppl remember me. thnx (: heart always, me 6 act like you care <3

[26 Nov 2004|08:40pm] [ mood | F.I.N.E. ] [ music | Torn-Natalie Imbruglia ] blah ... blah ... hmmm more BLAH! numbered lists in my entry so they come with linkies ... ( christmas wishlist rules ) act like you care <3

what happens when you find your prince but you arent his princess? [23 Nov 2004|07:47pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | White Houses-Vanessa Carlton ] lalalalala im the broken one ... its totally official! so home life is getting better (depends on ur definition of better) i mean my mom is still mad as hell (when isnt she?) because i bombed a piano competion. i mean shes always going on about how she doesnt give shit whether or not i win and guess what? SHE DOES! so another lie ... im not surprised though .. i mean ive never believed her, but i guess im js surprised cuz i mean its a stupid COMPETITION!!! right so then my computer broke and now i have to do stuff on my laptop which is so damn slow!!!!!! and im also risking my life because the adaptor may set on fire at any moment ... right so talking about sunday. did i tell you? i locked myself out of the house. yupyup stupid ole lillian just proved that she can get stupider .. i mean i had keys and everything but the door js wudnt open! so i was out there alone phoneless cuz i forgot my phone but i cudnt stay out there because my mom wasnt coming home until like 10 so i walked for 45 min ALONE! in the DARK! to get to the stupid restaurant. i was so tired!!! i am never doing that again .. i mean who knew a 5 min drive is a 45 min of fast walking???? yeah, my boring life and rambles. thanks for listening. lol i guess life is kinda okay (js jinxed it). its just really sad i mean emily was like: YumY StarBursT11: ur always sad i guess its true .. but i cant fuking help it! i mean for some reason *he* is affecting me ... i never really cared and i still dont i mean i dont care who he likes or dates cuz if i do then my head wud explode so i dont care ... but then why am i so sad right now? okay well ... hes not dating anyone but i know he likes someone alot (and no amanda its not elaina anymore).  and i think this time he really does like her ... not one of his "hot girl must get" crushes and real one ... and i think its so sweet because they would make such a great couple but yeah complication.  okay so im so off topic ... but i dont know, i mean i NEVER care .. i mean the last two guys i liked dated my best friends and i was never this sad.  but then he comes along with his smile and *mr. im so hot* attitude and he's so BAD! so horrible and so NICE! and for some reason im just so sad ... and then when i finally stop liking him ... when i know i can go I DONT LIKE HIM ANYMORE something weird and unpredictable (big word) happens and BOOM! im so in like with him again.  ITS JUST NOT FAIR! i cant like him ... i just cant but i cant stop either. omg this is so complicated ... i need a therapist ... anyone up for it? i'll just leave you guys with this portion of my brain.  thanks for listening to my rambles and come back soon. 2 act like you care <3

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]